In-between: Giving up and not giving up 諦める・諦めないの「はざま」で


What does it mean to give up or not to give up? What do I give up and not to give up? When and how do I give up or not to give up? When it comes to giving up or not giving up something, I get confused. Shall I or shall I not? One of focal points while writing this post is not to be on one side, yet I would like to think about placing myself in the middle of these two situations, and see what thoughts emerge from this writing experience. 

When I check a dictionary and search a meaning of “to give up”, it often says something like, resign something just because you failed something or you stop doing something because there is no hope for it. 

I personally think that no one should ever feel that the person is a failure. And yet, if someone else determined to end something in the midst of doing because of the personal reasons, then what can I do? I cannot really change other’s mind. 

You cannot change others, yet you can change yourself. 

I hear this often, and yet some people seem to try to change others’ mind unconsciously. For instance, I often witness people, who unfortunately lost a love of their life, try so hard to win the person over. The more they do, the further the other’s feeling goes away. Those seem to forget that the have a choice of ‘giving up’ or more like letting it go. 

Wining someone over does not really work, I think. When they know things are over, they know so unless they are playing a little game. Those who know the relationship won’t return as the way it used to be, they have already given something up. It’s a done deal. 

On the other hand, some people make a quick decision and just give up! I am not saying don’t give up and you must finish what you started. I think we all have a right to give something up depending on the situation or the particular reasons. Now do those reasons come to you or you create your reasons? I notice when I observe people around me, some people just look for an excuse so that they can quit. Is ending something that you started that easy? Yes, they are when I have my own reasons, yet sometimes it’s not that easy when the reasons come to me. Giving up or not, sometimes I cannot control. 

Let’s say that I hang on, and get by. After a difficult experience, I often discover something that I had never thought before. Going though the difficulty, I force myself to find a different way to finish what I was doing. What’s more, the new experience always lead me to see myself or the world somewhat different. I feel like I build on new knowledge of my own while experiencing something difficult. Indeed, I become more experienced person by going through tough time. I love seeing myself changing in a positive way! 

Even though I give up something so that the problems are appeared to be gone, some similar experience often follow after anyway. Something that I must experience in my life might always be underway. I think that we promise certain things to get done in this given life before entering this world. For this reason, I always at least try to accomplish what I am given. 

I think that the reasons for giving up on something in the midst of trying something can vary for each person. Some give up and some continue. For me, the next time when I face to the kind of situation where I want to give up on something, I think I will pause and put myself in the middle space – between giving up and not giving up – and think thoroughly what made me think to give up, how giving up or not giving up might influence my future, what might be underway. This thinking time might invite me to see the unseen and think of what I need the most at the very time and the very spot!